Privacy Notice

This privacy notice discloses the privacy practices for Clarity Software Systems. Now that you have come to this page you are required to read every single word of this document. There will be a test. At the bottom of the document is a button you must click to confirm that you have read and understood all eighty-three paragraphs.

 

The Concise Privacy Policy

Who really reads privacy policies word for word? We do not, brothers and sisters, we merely skim. So here’s the abridged version, then class is dismissed.

We don’t collect any information from you. None, nothing, nada. No email address, IP address, no names and addresses or other personally identifiable information.  We will not spam you or send any information of any kind unless at your direct request. Since we neither collect nor capture information from you, there is nothing to give or sell to anyone else, so no legitimate organization will send anything to you as if it came from this site.

Because the website is now developed on a Joomla! platform and Joomla! uses cookies to compile statistics, connecting to this site will place cookies on your system. You may read below for more details.

We like to sleep at night with a clear conscience, and that means we don’t shaft anybody in the business sense, not strangers, not our business partners and certainly not our clients or potential clients.

We don’t directly sell anything from our website, aside from trying to sell you on the idea of inquiring about our services or products. If you make an inquiry via email we’ll keep your email address as long as necessary during our dialog, and keep it permanently if you become a customer.

 

The Long Version

Class dismissed, unless you really have too much time to kill and want to continue reading The Official Privacy Policy. Nothing that follows contradicts anything which precedes, we only did this for our own amusement.

 

The Official Privacy Policy

This privacy notice applies solely to information collected by this web site. It will notify you of the following:

  • What personally identifiable information is collected from you through the web site, how it is used and with whom it may be shared.
  • What choices are available to you regarding the use of your data.
  • The security procedures in place to protect the misuse of your information.
  • How you can correct any inaccuracies in the information.

 

Information Collection, Use, and Sharing

We are the sole owners of the information collected on this site, of which there is none. We only have access to/collect information that you voluntarily give us via email or other direct contact from you. We will not sell, rent or release this information to anyone unless they use a court order. In that event, you're on your own.

We realize this is the antithesis of what the web seems to have become, which is a tool used by all and sundry to annoy the Dickens out of you, when all you usually want is some quick information on a given subject. We prefer to disseminate information in a fairly straightforward manner, and not force you to dig through several layers of disorganized pages and links to get what you want. We realize this is not very “Web II” of us, but so be it.

We will use your information to respond to you, regarding the reason you contacted us. We will not share your information with any third party outside of our organization, other than as necessary to fulfill your request, e.g. to answer your questions. These third-party organizations will be limited to those vendors which are linked to our site.

We will not contact you via email in the future to tell you about specials, new products or services, or changes to this privacy policy.

 

Your Access to and Control Over Information

You may opt out of any future contacts from us at any time. You can do the following at any time by contacting us via the email address or phone number given on our website:

  • See what data we have about you, which is none.
  • Change/correct any data we have about you, which is none.
  • Have us delete any data we have about you, and there isn’t any.
  • Express any concern you have about our use of your data. If you’re going to contact us about the use of your private data then you really haven’t been paying attention. Please see a doctor. You may have a problem.

 

Cookies

A cookie is a tiny little file stored on your hard drive, smartphone or personal device.  We use "cookies" on this site, because this site is now developed using a program called Joomla!, and Joomla! accumulates statistics as part of normal operations. The cookies are used so we can tell how many visitors have seen a page, etc.  This file contains information that the web site can use to identify you in the unlikely event you come back for more punishment. Cookies are usually harmless and are not to be feared. You can delete them if the concept bothers you, and the cops will not knock on your door. Remember, it’s your computer or device.

Some of our business partners may use cookies on their site. However, we have no access to or control over these cookies.

Since the Captcha/Recaptcha service has now been enabled on this website for emailing purposes, there is some indication that Google sets a cookie when this happens. We believe this to be true.

If you would like a real cookie, we recommend a good iced oatmeal cookie, which is delicious after the package has been opened a few days until the cookies get soft. We do not typically enjoy crunchy cookies, we like the soft ones, but not ones with a lot of caramel which sticks to our teeth and frustrates us. We also like Girl Scout cookies, especially Thin Mints and Caramel Delites, which coincidentally contain very little caramel. If you want to send cookies to us as a gift, please keep this in mind. Factory sealed packages only, please.

  

Links

This web site contains links to other sites. Please be aware that we are not responsible for the content or privacy practices of such other sites. We encourage our users to be aware when they leave our site and to read the privacy statements of any other site that collects personally identifiable information. Their privacy notices will be dry and boring, almost as if a lawyer wrote them or something. You have been warned.

 

Security

We take precautions to protect ourselves from bad guys on the internet, and you should too. You may call us for advice on these issues. We sell products and services to assist with security, but will offer very limited amounts of free advice unless we’re really busy and stressed. We’re here to make money, so plan to pay after the first couple of minutes.

Since we don’t collect any sensitive information, credit card numbers or other information that anybody would want to steal, there’s nothing much to protect on this web site.

There are bad guys on the internet who like to insert malicious programs into completely innocent websites they don't own.  Then when you land on those websites, without your knowledge or the knowledge of the owners of the website, the malicious software will be installed on your computer.  This only takes a matter of seconds and the damage can be substantial.  We promise to take all commercially reasonable steps possible to protect this website from being victimized by the the scum who perpetrate these crimes, and to thereby help protect you, but we are not responsible if your computer becomes infected. Nearly all attacks of this nature are made possible when your computer has not been updated.

The most effective way to protect yourself from this type of attack is to keep your computer updated. Install all operating system updates promptly. If you have any programs from Adobe or Java installed, check for updates no less than once a week, and daily is better. Use a very good anti-virus program, such as Kaspersky. Backup your entire computer every day, and keep the backups in some way detached from your computer. You will not be sorry, it's impossible to have too many backups.

If you ever email us you should always keep in mind that email is inherently insecure, so you should be careful to never send email that contains sensitive information. The bad guys are out there and they are always watching for you to do something stupid, so don’t. Do not fall into the trap of believing for one instant that they aren’t intercepting your messages because of the volume of email flying across the internet. That is not a safe assumption. You should journey through life and the internet only after embracing the fact that all web site content and email is readable by everybody. A little healthy paranoia is not only acceptable, it’s recommended.

If you feel that we are not abiding by this privacy policy, you should contact us immediately via telephone at (417) 864-4404, or via email.

 

The End 

I originally wrote this nonsense at the insistence of the BBB, to which I briefly belonged.  They believe I must have a privacy policy if I have a website.  I don't believe I need one, which should be obvious if you've read this closely.  It's mostly intended to be sardonic and tongue in cheek, and I hope that's how it comes across.  Except for the section on Security (and sending me cookies), and there I'm dead serious.

Skipped right to the bottom to click the button without reading the whole thing, didn’t you? You flunked the test. Go back and read the first section then you can bail on reading the rest. OK? (Unless you're an attorney, in which case you must read the whole darned thing, but you can't bill me for your time.)